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Reflections on Psalm 30  
(part 1)

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I will praise you, Lord, for you have rescued me.
  You refused to let my enemies triumph over me.
  O Lord my God, I cried to you for help, and you restored my health.
 You brought me up from the grave, O Lord.
  You kept me from falling into the pit of death.”
 
Psalm 30:1-3
NLT

 

 Sixteen years ago, I was in the pit of my alcoholism. 
 

I could not imagine my life with or without alcohol.
  It had become my strength, my comfort and my shield.
  Though this war was raging in me, between my soul and spirit, most people did not know I was battling this disease.
  Some how I was able to maintain two separate lives, the one you saw and the one I was really living.
  The life I allowed you to see portrayed Jennifer as having it all together, strong mentally and physically, doing well financially and just enjoying life.
  I was a good person doing all the right things.
   The life I hid from you was one of insecurity, shame, loneliness and sadness.
  I was a sick person, wandering around with no clear direction, doing the wrong things and trying not to let the consequences overtake me.
  I was full of fear and I was losing the battle.
 

  
Today I am fully alive.
  I put my trust in the Lord and with His strength walk through my fears.
  I have no shame in who I am, I am a child of God. 
  I seek direction from Him but I am not perfect.
  As I admit my mistakes and accept the forgiveness and discipline of the Lord, I remain a victor not a victim.
  No longer am I filled with loneliness and sadness, I am blessed.
   I am blessed with a host of friends that share their lives with me and allow me to share mine with them.
  My best friend is Jesus.
  Today the joy of the Lord is my strength and sadness is only a small part of my life.

 
I will be forever grateful for the hands that reached back to me when I finally reached out f

or help. 
  They did more than guide me out of the pit of alcoholism.
  Although I did not acknowledge it for many years, I know the hands that reached out and took my mine were the hands of Jesus in human form.

 
As I enjoy my freedom and blessings today I must remember what it was like, and I cannot help but ask, am I grateful enough?
  Am I grateful enough to let my actions speak louder than my words?
  Am I grateful enough to extend my hands like the hands that were extended to me?
   Am I grateful enough to go step out of my comfort zone, to go to  the pits and the dark places, and shine the light given to me, to help someone else see their way out?
  Today I can say yes.
  Tomorrow I will have to answer the question again.
  I pray my answer will be the same, today, tomorrow and forever.